Don't you hate those songs that say things like "DJ, play that song one more time." or "DJ, drop that beat."
I mean, these guys are professionals. If anyone knows when to let the beat drop.
12:24 AM
1:32 AM
When you get them in a group, or "posse" they always look like they are going to rough a few people up.
Am I the only one that see's this?
1:17 AM
NO I DON'T! Fuck that shit! I'll fry fish in whichever order I PLEASE!
Fuck you analogies! make sense!
10:45 PM
"Apollo: God of beauty, poetry, music"
Damn! Just pick one thing asshole!
Apollo: "Hey Zeus, can I be the god of Beauty?"
Zeus: "Kinda gay, but alright, since no one has called it yet."
Apollo: "oh! oh! and how about music?"
Zeus: "Fine."
Apollo: "Oh! And Poetry too!"
Zeus: "I guess that makes sense, with music and all."
Apollo: "Oh! Also..also, haircuts."
Zeus: "Haircuts?"
Apollo: "Haircuts."
Zeus: "Jesus! That's where I draw the line! Get out of here you poetry loving homo!"
Apollo: "How about if no one else wants it."
Zeus: "Fine! Get out!"
TWO MONTHS LATER ...OR THREE?...(fucking calendar)
Apollo: "So, can I be god of haircuts now?"
Zeus: "Nope."
Apollo: "What!?"
Zeus: "Tithonus called it."
Apollo: What!? That old grasshopper bastard!"
Tithonus: "I'm off to kick Samson's Ass."
12:54 AM
I was discussing robotics with my friend the other day. Yes, we discuss such topics. Here is the conversation.
Me "If I made a robot, I would have it do the dance "the robot."
Friend "Why the hell would you have a robot do that?"
Me "Well if the robots don't do it, who will?"
Friend "Touche."
Then we went on to discuss even headier topics like, how many times per day the robot would be required to dance. As well as the ramifications of an impromptu "boogieing down" by the robot. I've outlined one such outcome.
Imagine a high class restaurant, the type business men discuss their business deals over lobster and a snifter of wine. Of course such a restaurant would be the first to use a robot waiter...
The robot waiter is bringing lunch to a wealthy middle age entrepreneur and another man whom he is negotiating with. The clock strikes 12. Business halts. The robot waiter flings the food into the air without warning. The plate of spaghetti lands on a rich estate salesman, clearly aghast at what has transpired. The robot initiates robot program "get_funky.exe" and proceeds to dance for the next five minutes. The guests are infuriated. One person is heard to comment, "This happens every time I get lunch here!"
UPDATE. In continuation of something I said in the post, a robot is required to do "the robot" three times a day. This function is entirely useless and unnecessary, but we will tell customers that it's a necessary function to "reduce excess heat" and "reboot constantly running background functions".
12:45 AM
I hate robots. I truly do. Perhaps it's from watching movies like Terminator and The Matrix. Clearly nothing good can come from robots. Yet those nutjobs keep making them! Why? I have no fucking clue. I want to slap them around though. I would grab that insane asian scientist by the shirt collar, fist raised in the air. Then I would say, "WHAT THE F-CK IS WRONG WITH YOU!? WHY WOULD YOU MAKE THIS!? HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANY MOVIE ABOUT ROBOTS EVER!? HAVE YOU PLAYED AT LEAST ONE MEGA MAN GAME!? DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK THAT ROBOTS WILL HELP ANYTHING!?"
Then I would say "THIS IS FOR THE GOOD OF HUMANITY!" and punch him in the face, rendering him unconscious. Then, of course, burn down the robot factory.
I would be a hero.
1:27 AM
Click for full size of course. This is a bit more over the top than my usual style, but sometimes I like to be all in you face.
12:51 AM
Would it be blasphemous to make a cartoon about Jesus, in where his disciples are always getting into wacky situations and Jesus has to bail them out?
They would all learn a valuable lesson about friendship at the end of each episode. ALSO, the series finale would end with Jesus' ascension into heaven. Best ending EVER.
12:37 AM
So my friend was telling me he wanted to watch the documentary "The Lost Tomb of Jesus" and I thought he said "Last tomb of Jesus" and said to him...
"Last!? How many tombs did this guy have? Dude, only one tomb per person. I know he's Jesus, but come on. Don't be ridiculous.
5:40 PM
Well, a lot of people believe in ghosts, Many People also believe in Aliens.
Well I took these two quite disparate beliefs and mushed them together. You see, Aliens DO come to our planet. But only BRAVE aliens. For you see, Humans are the only species that can leave ghosts. so thusly our planet is HAUNTED! no one wants to spend a night on a haunted planet! I know I don't! and the aliens don't either! Unless they are dared to do so, just like when a child is dared to say "bloody mary" in a mirror some arbitrary amount of times. So in conclusion, our planet is haunted and spooky and nobody likes it.
2:40 AM
During their destructive rock ballad, do not turn on your lighter, they take it as a sign of aggression.
1:20 AM
"To Lois, with Super Love."
Man, if I had super powers I could say that sort of stuff too. Damn this world!
12:40 AM
Since I can't draw, I've decided to take other people's drawings, and write for them!
7:32 PM
You know how very religious Christians believe the universe to be created about 5,000 years ago? And how evolutionists claim the universe to start about 15 billion years ago? Well it looks like we are all wrong, because the scientologists just kicked our ass with their "700 TRILLION YEARS OF RECORDED HISTORY!!!!!"
Even when I make up arbitrary numbers I never get to a 1 Trillion! These guys are on the ball!
[EDIT 8:00PM] Scientology goes on to state, "You have 300 Quadrillion years to go before this universe is out!" Well FUCK.
6:40 PM
I got into this big thing about haunted places and junk. Here's the linkage. Turnbull Canyon is this stretch of road about 15 minutes from my house, I have driven through there a handful of times, but don't like it. Not because it's haunted, but it's bloody dangerous! bunch of curves, pretty small road, you can fly right off the F-ing edge of the cliff. And needless to say, I don't want to fall down a 70 foot cliff because we all know what happens next.
Anyway, where were we? oh yeah, that "anonymous" article about turnbull canyon i just linked you to. Man, the place is apparently not just haunted. It's super haunted! Aliens, monsters, hangings, cults, Sacrifices, aliens (did i mention that already?), Indian burial grounds, something about the great depression, burnt down insane asylum, mysterious plane crash (which was mysteriously never reported on or mentioned by anyone ever?), ghosts, an evil pool, a crazy old man, probably some more stuff. I really think it could use a mummy though. Seriously, that's all it needs is a mummy's curse.
2:55 AM
- I was going to start an orchestra that played hardcore music. we'd be called Hardcorchestra.
- I was going to start a saxophone trio. We'd be called Groupsax
- I was going to start an orchestra with a section of 20 Oboes. We'd be called Obomobo. Our first album would be called "Oboe? Oh Yeah!"
- Our second album would be called " Low Blowboe"
- If I played flute I would call my first album "Fluting On Thin Air"
- If I was a Guitarist I would name my album "Guitarded"
- If I played Trumpet, I would NOT name my album "Trumpisn't" Instead calling it "Lady and the Trump....et."
3:54 PM
I am going to start a project where we teach the homeless how to play musical instruments, to teach them a nice hobby.
What's it called you ask?
Oboes for Hobos.
5:50 PM
In the newspaper a while back, there was an article about a man being attacked by a bear. That sucks right? Of course it does. But there's more to it than that. This man was hiking in a national forest, and as he was hiking he stumbled upon a bear and her cubs. He ran away from the bear and fell SEVENTY feet down a steep cliff-like hill.
The bear followed him.
Now THAT sucks! So if you are having a fairly bad day, just remember, it could be worse.
You can fall down a cliff, then be attacked by a bear.
Just keep that in mind.
11:39 PM
So there was a news report about some woman who used to work for an egg donation place. You know the place where women donate their eggs. Well, this woman discovered that many eggs are going mysteriously missing.
There is only one explanation for missing eggs.
Oviraptors.
3:29 PM
Transformers is very unsympathetic towards the plight of blind people.
"...more than meet's the eye!"
Blind person: (sigh) "Indeed."
11:34 PM
Apparently on the news, a bus driver fell asleep and crashed into a house. BUT, this was the second time a bus crashed into this dude's house! I was just thinking, like, damn, how many times can a bus crash into your house until you start thinking "Enough is enough!" and move the fuck out of that house? Two times? Three? Five?
I think my limit's three. Once? Alright, that's life, things happen. Twice, then I'm like, what the hell? Is my house cursed? Then, third time? I am out of there! That's just an unacceptable amount of buses hitting my house.
1:22 PM
Kratos: "Zeus, help my cause and grant me your power!"
Zeus: "Lightning is in that box over there, and by the power of the gods it costs fifty cents!"
Kratos: "Ooh! How much is this table?
Zeus: "By the power of the gods that table is NOT for sale, it is merely there to display the things that ARE for sale. Like that nice lamp there. Three dollars for that lamp."
Kratos, "I can not defeat my enemies with a lamp-"
Zeus: "And you could with a table?"
Kratos: "Better than a lamp. Fine, well, I'll take the lightning, and how much are these cups?"
Zeus: "By the power of the gods I will give you them all for 3 bucks."
Kratos: "Deal! Now to destroy Ares!"
1:07 AM
Well I was looking through the list of school clubs and groups listed in my college booklet. Strangely enough there are two accountant's clubs. Weird right? You're damned right. Well I racked my brain for what sort of reason there would be to have two accounting groups, well then I went to the campus' hall of records and recovered this long lost archive...
The Society of Accountants Part 1: The Schism
The group of accountants are sitting in a classroom, the year is 1982, It is the fifth meeting in which Lead Accountant Willard is presiding, replacing former Lead Accountant Leads whom stepped down. The group is in the middle of a particularly tough accounting problem.
Lead Accountant Willard: So we'll carry the 2-
Club Member Rosworder: (leaping out of his chair in anger) This is outragous! You can't carry that 2!
Lead Accountant Willard: Sit down! You aren't in charge here! We are carrying that 2!
Club Member Rosworder: (Pointing angrily at Willard) Fuck your 2! I don't know what your love affair with 2's is! You think you're so hot since you became lead! Well I've had enough of it! I'm starting my own club! And we aren't going to carry any of your precious 2's! (then picks up his calculator and storms out of the room, several other club members in tow.)
And that's the story of how there became two accounting clubs at school. And remember this is all fact, I mean, why would I make something like this up?
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