Crushing My Way to You

During their destructive rock ballad, do not turn on your lighter, they take it as a sign of aggression.

And he has trained long and hard

Robots take everything seriously

Superman gave a gift that said...

"To Lois, with Super Love."

Man, if I had super powers I could say that sort of stuff too. Damn this world!

Good thing I'm not a robot!

Since I can't draw, I've decided to take other people's drawings, and write for them!

That's a lot of history! Good thing someone wrote it down?

You know how very religious Christians believe the universe to be created about 5,000 years ago? And how evolutionists claim the universe to start about 15 billion years ago? Well it looks like we are all wrong, because the scientologists just kicked our ass with their "700 TRILLION YEARS OF RECORDED HISTORY!!!!!"

Even when I make up arbitrary numbers I never get to a 1 Trillion! These guys are on the ball!

[EDIT 8:00PM] Scientology goes on to state, "You have 300 Quadrillion years to go before this universe is out!" Well FUCK.

Mummies Alive!

I got into this big thing about haunted places and junk. Here's the linkage. Turnbull Canyon is this stretch of road about 15 minutes from my house, I have driven through there a handful of times, but don't like it. Not because it's haunted, but it's bloody dangerous! bunch of curves, pretty small road, you can fly right off the F-ing edge of the cliff. And needless to say, I don't want to fall down a 70 foot cliff because we all know what happens next.

Anyway, where were we? oh yeah, that "anonymous" article about turnbull canyon i just linked you to. Man, the place is apparently not just haunted. It's super haunted! Aliens, monsters, hangings, cults, Sacrifices, aliens (did i mention that already?), Indian burial grounds, something about the great depression, burnt down insane asylum, mysterious plane crash (which was mysteriously never reported on or mentioned by anyone ever?), ghosts, an evil pool, a crazy old man, probably some more stuff. I really think it could use a mummy though. Seriously, that's all it needs is a mummy's curse.

If I were a musician...

• I was going to start an orchestra that played hardcore music. we'd be called Hardcorchestra.

• I was going to start a saxophone trio. We'd be called Groupsax

• I was going to start an orchestra with a section of 20 Oboes. We'd be called Obomobo. Our first album would be called "Oboe? Oh Yeah!"

• Our second album would be called " Low Blowboe"

• If I played flute I would call my first album "Fluting On Thin Air"

• If I was a Guitarist I would name my album "Guitarded"

• If I played Trumpet, I would NOT name my album "Trumpisn't" Instead calling it "Lady and the Trump....et."
  

Are you destitute?

I am going to start a project where we teach the homeless how to play musical instruments, to teach them a nice hobby.

What's it called you ask?

Oboes for Hobos.

A Blog to lift one's spirits

In the newspaper a while back, there was an article about a man being attacked by a bear. That sucks right? Of course it does. But there's more to it than that. This man was hiking in a national forest, and as he was hiking he stumbled upon a bear and her cubs. He ran away from the bear and fell SEVENTY feet down a steep cliff-like hill.

The bear followed him.

Now THAT sucks! So if you are having a fairly bad day, just remember, it could be worse.

You can fall down a cliff, then be attacked by a bear.

Just keep that in mind.

News is full of information

So there was a news report about some woman who used to work for an egg donation place. You know the place where women donate their eggs. Well, this woman discovered that many eggs are going mysteriously missing.

There is only one explanation for missing eggs.

Oviraptors.

Transformers just don't care

Transformers is very unsympathetic towards the plight of blind people.

"...more than meet's the eye!"

Blind person: (sigh) "Indeed."

Bus Hits House...Again

Apparently on the news, a bus driver fell asleep and crashed into a house. BUT, this was the second time a bus crashed into this dude's house! I was just thinking, like, damn, how many times can a bus crash into your house until you start thinking "Enough is enough!" and move the fuck out of that house? Two times? Three? Five?

I think my limit's three. Once? Alright, that's life, things happen. Twice, then I'm like, what the hell? Is my house cursed? Then, third time? I am out of there! That's just an unacceptable amount of buses hitting my house.

Zeus Yardsale, This Saturday @ 314 Mt. Olympus

Kratos: "Zeus, help my cause and grant me your power!"
Zeus: "Lightning is in that box over there, and by the power of the gods it costs fifty cents!"
Kratos: "Ooh! How much is this table?
Zeus: "By the power of the gods that table is NOT for sale, it is merely there to display the things that ARE for sale. Like that nice lamp there. Three dollars for that lamp."
Kratos, "I can not defeat my enemies with a lamp-"
Zeus: "And you could with a table?"
Kratos: "Better than a lamp. Fine, well, I'll take the lightning, and how much are these cups?"
Zeus: "By the power of the gods I will give you them all for 3 bucks."
Kratos: "Deal! Now to destroy Ares!"

So there are two "Society of Accountants" clubs at my college...

Well I was looking through the list of school clubs and groups listed in my college booklet. Strangely enough there are two accountant's clubs. Weird right? You're damned right. Well I racked my brain for what sort of reason there would be to have two accounting groups, well then I went to the campus' hall of records and recovered this long lost archive...

The Society of Accountants Part 1: The Schism

The group of accountants are sitting in a classroom, the year is 1982, It is the fifth meeting in which Lead Accountant Willard is presiding, replacing former Lead Accountant Leads whom stepped down. The group is in the middle of a particularly tough accounting problem.

Lead Accountant Willard: So we'll carry the 2-
Club Member Rosworder: (leaping out of his chair in anger) This is outragous! You can't carry that 2!
Lead Accountant Willard: Sit down! You aren't in charge here! We are carrying that 2!
Club Member Rosworder: (Pointing angrily at Willard) Fuck your 2! I don't know what your love affair with 2's is! You think you're so hot since you became lead! Well I've had enough of it! I'm starting my own club! And we aren't going to carry any of your precious 2's! (then picks up his calculator and storms out of the room, several other club members in tow.)

And that's the story of how there became two accounting clubs at school. And remember this is all fact, I mean, why would I make something like this up?